


staring at the sun

by ichifumi



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I had thoughts, M/M, Panic Attacks, please ship kyuten/tenkyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ichifumi/pseuds/ichifumi
Summary: kumon’s not having a good day
Relationships: Hyoudou Kumon/Sumeragi Tenma
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	staring at the sun

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this while i was in the car for 6 hours because i like tenkyu a lot and they dont have any fics yet :( 
> 
> i also projected a lot... i am a dumb little kumon kinnie and tenma liker... oops!
> 
> also this isn’t proofread lol

Kumon is scared. Terrified, even. He’s come so far since he joined Mankai, but- there’s always a voice in head saying his happiness only temporary. Before long he’ll collapse under the pressure, he’ll get fevers again, he won’t be able to perform, and he’ll be a disappointment to everyone. Summer Troupe, Nii-chan, Azami... Tenma.

Tenma, who Kumon admired so much, who coached him and helped him grow even when it all seemed pointless.

Tenma, the person he was most afraid of losing.

Tenma, who Kumon had fallen in love with before he could stop himself. 

The thought of being a disappointment - a _failure_ \- to not just Tenma, but everyone in Mankai... it makes Kumon’s chest feel impossibly tight.

He can’t breathe. Tears start to fall down his cheeks, but Kumon barely notices them. All he can think about how useless he is and always has been. 

It’s not uncommon for Kumon to give up on something the moment he feels like he might mess up. He can’t fail if he never tries in the first place, right? Sure, that’s taking the easy way out, but it’s less painless that way. 

Kumon’s emotions are all crashing down on him at once and suddenly he’s able to breathe again- but then he can’t stop and his breath is coming out in short gasps for air over and over and over again. He’s hyperventilating and somehow it feels worse than just having a fever because he doesn’t know how to deal with panic attacks. 

Kumon feels like he’s suffocating. He’s curled up in a ball with his knees pressed tightly against his chest and he can’t see anything anymore. 

_You’re so weak._

_Useless._

_You’ll reach your limit soon._

_You should just give up already._

_Tenma is wasting his time on you._

Kumon doesn’t realize it when he starts muttering under his breath, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry... please forgive me, Tenma-san, everyone in Summer Troupe... I can’t do it after all. Nii-chan, you were right- I shouldn’t have joined at all.”

A door opens, and light fills the room- had he been sitting in the dark? How long had he been like this? He doesn’t even know what time it is.

There’s a voice- someone is talking to him. Kumon can’t make out a single word they’re saying, but then he’s being pulled into a tight hug and it’s so warm and he can’t help but lean further into the body pressed against his. He’s still sobbing, although his breathing has calmed down, and he’s slowly starting to regain some of his senses.

“Kumon...” the voice repeats, and Kumon recognizes it as Tenma’s. That’s not good- no no no, he can’t let Tenma see him like this, he’s already enough of a burden, _why did it have to be him._

Despite himself, all Kumon wants to do right now is be held by Tenma. He wants to vent all his frustrations, to tell him about his fears and insecurities and he wants to tell Tenma that he’s madly in love with him and that he’s terrified of losing him. He’s scared that he’ll end up abandoning Mankai just like he abandoned his baseball team.

The only words that leave his mouth, though, are “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I...”

“It’s okay,” Tenma’s hand combs through his hair affectionately. He’s trying to comfort him, but all Kumon can think is _I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you._

Kumon’s sobs grow quieter and the room falls silent for a few moments. It’s nice; the only sound being Kumon’s heart pounding in his chest because he can’t calm that part of himself- especially not when the boy he’s in love with is so close and is hugging him and maybe it’s just wishful thinking but the two of them fit perfectly together.

His thoughts are interrupted when Tenma speaks up again. “Do you want to talk about it, or...?” 

There’s concern in his voice and a hint of sadness that makes Kumon feel like the scum of the earth for worrying his leader. He wants to reassure Tenma that he’ll be fine, that it’s just ‘one of those days’ and that he’ll get over it. 

He can’t stop himself, though. He’s been holding back these feelings for so long, pretending his insecurities had simply vanished. 

Kumon nods after hesitating for a few seconds. He pulls away from Tenma, ignoring the urge to hug him again, and wipes his eyes.

“I, uh... I don’t know what happened. Suddenly, I just- I started thinking about Yamaguchi and my old baseball team and how I let them down,” he pauses to take a deep breath and sniffles a bit. 

“It all went downhill from there... I think I’ve been suppressing a lot of bad feelings for a long time. I can’t stop thinking about... what if I go back to how I was before and I can’t perform and everything you’ve done for me- what Mankai has done for me- will all go to waste and I’ll lose everyone. I’ll be a disappointment... I’m so scared of failing everyone. Up until now I’ve been okay, but who knows how long I can last? I’m weak, after all. One day I’ll just... be crushed under the pressure of wanting so desperately to succeed.” 

Shit, he’s been rambling. He really went and said all that in front of Tenma, and now Tenma would feel bad for him and pity him and he probably hated him now-

“Look, I don’t know what goes on inside your head and I sure as hell won’t be able to make you see yourself the way I see you, but... even if you give up on yourself, I won’t give up on you,” Tenma is staring at Kumon intently, as if he’s trying to communicate with him through facial expressions alone. 

Kumon doesn’t reply- he doesn’t know how to- so Tenma continues.

“I’m serious. I won’t let you quit, no matter what. You’re a vital part of Summer Troupe and- maybe it’s selfish of me to say this, but you’re important to me too... so there’s no way I’d let you give up. You’ll keep performing as Kumon Hyodo of Mankai Company’s Summer Troupe as long as I’m here,” Tenma says, his voice dead serious yet somehow comforting.

For the first time, Kumon averts his gaze, trying not to make eye contact. “I- I don’t want to be a burden.”

Tenma actually laughs at that. “I know you already know this, but when Summer Troupe was first starting out, I held everyone back the most. I... was pretty arrogant and hotheaded, admittedly. I caused the most problems. If anyone’s a ‘burden...’ well, at least back then, it was me.” He pauses to make sure Kumon’s still with him. He’s not making eye contact, but at least he’s listening. 

“Anyway, uh, what I’m trying to say is... everyone forgave me after that. I realized that it was okay to fuck up sometimes and be a little bit stupid because I can use that as an opportunity to change myself for the better. And in your case, Kumon... you haven’t held the troupe back one bit. Sure, you’ve got a long way to go before you reach my level- uh, that’s not the point. You’ve grown so much so quickly and continue to do so every day because you put your all into acting. It’s clear that the last thing you want to do is give up. You’re kind of inspiring, honestly. Despite your condition, you refused to let anyone stop you from standing on stage.” Tenma stops abruptly, although it looks like he wants to say more; he probably realized how much he’s been talking. 

Kumon still won’t look at him. He feels pathetic... he wants to accept everything Tenma says, but it the voices in his head won’t stop screaming _he’s lying to you._

He snaps out of it when Tenma gently grabs Kumon’s chin and moves it so that their eyes meet. He also realizes, subconsciously, that the two of them are very close and he’s suddenly very aware of his heart racing again. “Kumon. Look at me. Please.”

“Tenma-san...” is all Kumon can say before he’s being pulled into a kiss and the world around him seems to melt away the moment he feels Tenma’s soft lips against his. This is everything he’s been wanting for _ages_ and it ends all too soon. 

Tenma pulls back abruptly, his face completely red and he looks like he’s torn between kissing Kumon again or apologizing. He decides to play it safe and go with the latter.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I wasn’t thinking- I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you when you’re like this-“

Kumon cuts him off by throwing his arms around Tenma’s shoulders and kissing him with every ounce of energy he has left. Tenma falls back onto the bed and Kumon is lying on top of him, still kissing Tenma because he refuses to let this moment end just yet. It’s messy and the two of them are both clearly inexperienced (Tenma’s acted in kiss scenes before, but none of them came close to feeling as good as this) but it doesn’t matter.

Kumon has to pull away after a while to let the both of them breathe. Tenma’s still flushed, gasping for air, and his hair is messed up, but somehow he looks incredibly beautiful like that. Kumon wants to take a picture and frame it (maybe next time). 

Tenma recovers quickly and even has the nerve to tease Kumon, “Feel better now?”

Kumon grins- he hasn’t done that in a while, it feels nice- and nods. He (reluctantly) lets go of Tenma and sits up. He should probably say something soon, but he doesn’t really like these conversations, and he kind of just wants to keep staring at Tenma. 

Luckily, Tenma breaks the silence for him. “I, uh, well- yeah, I- kind of- you know. Like, uh...” he trails off. Kumon just gives him an unhelpful blank look. 

“Damn, don’t look at me like that...” he laughs nervously. 

“It’s probably clear by now, but... I like you- love you? Yeah, I love you... in a romantic way... it’s kind of embarrassing to say out loud though, so...” Tenma looks up at Kumon, who appears to have short circuited while he was talking. 

“Uh...! It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, even though it would be cool if you did, but please say something before the stress kills me.” He sort of resembles a lost puppy right now, which Kumon finds incredibly cute.

Kumon should probably say something, but he’s still recovering from the initial shock from not only kissing Tenma but also being confessed to by Tenma and he’s trying to wrap his head around the fact that his feelings are actually reciprocated. 

After hesitating for a few more moments, Kumon finally says, “Tenma-san... are you sure- I mean, you’re okay with someone like me? I’ve been in love with you for who knows how long and it kind of feels like I’m dreaming and I just need to make sure...” he pauses, searching Tenma’s face for any sign of regret. He doesn’t find any, though; only relief, and then happiness. 

“I should be the one asking you that, really... I’m lucky you’re even considering me.” Tenma’s voice is barely audible under his breath. This time, it’s his turn to look away, too embarrassed to meet Kumon’s eyes. 

“Tenma-san...!! There’s no way that’s true! You’re definitely the ideal man,” Kumon laughs, trying to lighten the mood. He doesn’t want to continue feeling bad for himself anymore- and he definitely won’t let Tenma do that, either! 

“Pfft... you really have no filter. You’re my ideal man too, though, so don’t you dare forget it!” Tenma’s laugh is the best thing Kumon has ever heard in his life, he decides. It’s the type of thing he could probably fall asleep to... like how some people find whale sounds relaxing. Tenma isn’t a whale, though! He’s way cooler, like a shark!

“Tenma-san, since you call me Kumon, i think I should get to just call you Tenma from now on! Or I can think of a nickname for you!” Kumon’s eyes are shining and he looks like he’s already coming up with different names in his head, so Tenma stops him before he can decide on anything.

“Just Tenma is fine...! I’m not exactly opposed to pet names though... as long as they’re not embarrassing!” He absolutely refuses to be called something like ‘sweetie’ or ‘cutie pie.’ Absolutely not. 

Kumon smiles at that- Tenma’s cute when he’s embarrassed. “Got it! Tenma it is then! And assorted pet names as long as they’re not embarrassing,” he laughs. He has no idea what qualifies as embarrassing, but he’ll probably find out sooner or later. 

Kumon’s expression turns serious again suddenly. “Tenma, there are probably going to be days like this again... days where I can’t escape my thoughts. So please, when that happens... don’t leave me alone,” he whispers the last part- he knows it’s selfish of him, but he realized that being alone with no one to distract him is the trigger that causes him to break down. But if Tenma is there... he feels like he won’t have to worry. 

Tenma doesn’t respond immediately; he simply pulls Kumon into a tight embrace again. Kumon closes his eyes, gripping the back of Tenma’s shirt a little too hard.

“I’m not going anywhere, stupid. I’d be insane to let you go after wanting this for so long,” Tenma reassures him. It’s the truth; Kumon is more precious to him than anyone else by far. 

Kumon pretends to be offended and retaliates, “Don’t call me stupid! You’re stupid. And dumb... and cute, too. It’s not fair.” 

Tenma just rolls his eyes and kisses Kumon again. This time though, he doesn’t plan on stopping- at least not for a while.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me about tenkyu or any other rarepairs on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sumeragay) !! u can talk 2 me abt anything actually i like makin friends


End file.
